The Agreed Version of Events
by TheRealFaerieQueen
Summary: I'm sorry," she told them, with tears in her eyes. And she was. "I can't help but make fun of it all, sometimes."
1. Chapter 1

A Note From the Author: I am using, in this story, parts of those fanfictions which I have seen many a time, and if one of yours appears then do not be alarmed, upset, or given to vapours and palpitations - clearly you have managed to hit on a theme that appeals to a lot of people. That's democracy, in a way.

1 - An Introduction.

Lily Evans was a pretty average girl in every way. Every way, that is, except one: she was a witch. She had vivid green eyes that contrasted stunningly with her long, dark red hair. She was the top of her year in every subject apart from transfiguration. She had two obsessive stalkers, one was an oily creep that nobody liked and the other was the ever popular James Potter, who half of the Hogwarts population was lusting after. She was incredibly beautiful. She would also eventually die to save her son, thus ensuring he survived to become the hero and saviour of the wizarding world. Lily Evans was perfectly ordinary.

It was another bright, sunny morning of the good old summer hols and Lily woke up. She always woke up early, and today was no exception. Her room was bland at first glance, but upon closer inspection would show signs of a romantic with zest. The long bookshelf was stacked with as many love tales as spell books, and her duvet was printed with roses. There was, however, no vanity table in Lily's room. There was an adequate mirror on the wall for peering at one's face, and a hairbrush accompanied by a pot of hair-bands on the bedside table. Lily plucked one of these bands, and the hairbrush, and swept her hair into the customary bun, suddenly rendering her perfect face utterly unremarkable to look at. One cannot be as beautiful as she and look good in such a bun. It was small and tight, and loose strands of hair fell around her face, covering her high and delicate cheekbones. She did not realise fully how beautiful she was, but wished to make herself unattractive so that people would like her for the person she was, rather than for her amazing looks.

The unremarkable looking Lily traversed the stairs to the kitchen, where she sat at the table with a yawn.

"Morning, darling." said her mother. "I've made pancakes."

"Yay! Pancakes!" Cried Lily, for these were her most favoured breakfast. It would have been a fantastic start to the morning, had not her older sister walked in at that moment and ruined it for her.

"Hey, freak." Petunia spat, horse-nose wrinkled in revulsion. This morning Petunia was already dressed to the nines in a long pink summer dress, her blonde hair in a careful updo. "Vernon will be coming soon, to pick me up for his mother's garden party. Don't you dare do ANYTHING weird or freakish while he's here."

"No weird, no freakish. Got it." Lily, biting pancake with little concern for her sister. Having said this, her sister's behaviour did bother her, because once they had been so close - more best friends than sisters, but she was starting to pretend at least that it did not affect her, despite the fact that she currently had a stabbing pain in her eyes as a result of trying to hold back tears.

_Fffflaaashbaaaaaaack_

_Two little girls were playing tea parties in a blossoming garden at a little white table with a small plastic tea service. The older blonde one poured fake tea into the cups of the younger redhead, herself and two dollies, looking for all the world as though she were one grand dowager serving another. The pair picked up their cups gracefully, sipping with their littlest fingers held exaggeratedly aloft._

_"Tuney," the smaller girl began, setting down her cup in a more preoccupied manner._

_"Yes, Lilsy?" responded her sister (screechily), who placed her own cup precisely._

_"Will we always be the bestest of friends?" Lily asked anxiously._

_"For ever and ever." Petunia spat with friendly dignity, holding out a solemn hand for her sister to take. Lily shook with equal gravity, and in an instant the moment of fervency was lost, and the two girls were once again playing pretend among the flowers._

_End ffflaaaashbaaaaaaaack._

Those years together had been wonderful for Lily and Petunia. Petunia had even, after a fashion, gracefully accepted Lily's magic power and her own lack thereof. It had all changed when a large walrus inveigled himself into her sister's admiration. There was no love lost between Lily and Mr Dursley. She was just contemplating a blissful, spiteful way of turning him into something small and scaly, when an owl soared into the kitchen and dropped it's envelope, coincidentally right into Petunia's muesli bowl. Milk was sprayed. Petunia screamed with gusto.

"You freak!" She screeched. "Look at my dress! You had better find a way of cleaning it before Vernon comes without your filthy hands dirtying it, or I'll never speak to you EVER AGAIN!!!" There was a moment of silence, in which Lily and Petunia gave each other measuring looks and their mother struggled to find her words.

"Okay." Said Lily, and before Petunia could tell what was going on, her wand was pulled from her pyjama waistband, and the milk was gone.

"ARE YOU MAD?!?!? DON'T POINT THAT _THING_ AT ME!" Petunia bellowed, hair quavering within the position it had been moussed. It was, Lily realised, a step too far. Petunia lunged, face uncharacteristically red, and Lily fell. Her mother grabbed Petunia, and the door-lock clicked open. They froze in place, surprise pasted on their faces, and a large voice called-

"Petunia?"

"I gave him the key," she whispered in horror, face whitening, and before any of them had thought to move, the bulk of Vernon moved into the doorway, to look upon the oddity. There was an awkward pause, and their mother acted first, pushing Petunia towards her boyfriend and pulling Lily towards the stairs.

"Sorry, love. Could you read this in your room? I know it's a pain, but I think it's best if you all stay out of each other's way. I can bring you up more pancakes, if you promise not to spill treacle on the carpet." Lily nodded, and left quickly, taking the letter. As she left she heard Vernon comforting Petunia, as she hysterically told him of how 'that horrid freak' had tried to throw milk at her. Lily quirked one eyebrow.

Once safely ensconced in her room, Lily inspected the envelope properly. It was a Hogwarts letter, this much was apparent, but it was thicker and heavier than usual, and arriving earlier. She opened and upended it, and a glittering gold badge dropped onto her hand. Lily gasped. A head girl badge! What a surprise! Well, okay, maybe she was expecting it. After all, she was top of her year for most subjects, and she never stepped out of line. She wondered who would be head boy - undoubtedly Remus Lupin. He was clever, popular and a model student. Not to mention gorgeous. It was a wonder, really, that he hung around with those friends of his. They never listened to anybody, and were prats. Not to mention gorgeous.

She scanned the rest of the letter, searching for an indication that she was right, but found no answer. But what did it matter? She was head girl! She would, as the letter said, get a common room specially for her and her co-head, and could make up passwords. She had always wanted to make up passwords. **(A/N Do they honestly get a common room? No. I doubt it.)**

Lily's mother appeared at the doorway with a tray of steaming food and Lily tackled her the moment it was placed squarely on a surface.

"Mum! I'm head girl!" Lily squealed.

"Oh how fantastic, darling! We must tell your father! And you deserve something lovely - a present. You've worked so hard for this. I'm so happy it's all paid off." She kissed her daughter ecstatically.

_Constructive criticism is absolutely fine. I would like suggestions if anyone has them. If you have a little cliché idea jumping around your sub cranium, please tell me!_

_On the other hand, don't flame. Please. I don't want to offend anyone, and I would hope, even if you despise my work, that you would extend the same courtesy. It's your choice, though._

_I have a confession to make – I think clichés are rather useful. People write them off all the time, but really what they should find annoying is overuse of them. A popular idea reworked can be a beautiful creation. On the other hand, do not write a fic like this one._


	2. Chapter 2

2 - A surprise along the way.

Lily spent four days packing and reading intermittently before returning to school. She could barely wait, but unfortunately she had to. As well as the required books for the syllabus, her parents had bought a huge book on fun things to do with advanced magic. Her owl, peanuts, was in his cage. **(A/N The owl has a silly name, or else she has a fluffy cat, but generally an owl with an odd name. I do rather like it when the owl is named James. That's pretty cool, but it confuses the heck out of me. How do you know which James is being referred to? )**

All that remained was for Lily to lock her trunk and relax thoroughly, which she was failing miserably at. Not the locking trunk part- she had done that with her wand, being of the legal age, but she was currently pacing around her room in a frenzied panic.

"Lily, stop it! You're making the ceiling lights shake!" Petunia shouted up the stairs. Lily sat down on her bed, and then stood up again as her mother appeared in the doorway.

"Time to go." she informed Lily.

"Oh mother! What if I'm a rubbish head girl? What if the students hate me? What if I end up marrying the head boy who I previously despised, and have his child, about whom a prophecy will be made?!"

"Stop worrying. You're going to have a fantastic year. All you need to worry about is working hard for those NEWTS and then you can enjoy what you have. **(A/N The parents never worry about Lily's school grades. So unlike real parents. Just thought I would add that.)** Help me get that trunk in the car boot."

When the car was packed, Lily stood for a brief while, contemplating the pleasure of being entrusted as head girl, the dramatic war-torn magical world around, and the white picket fence in front of her. Why did she have such a fence? It was so American - slightly out of place in their rural setting of Spinner's End. A nice hedge may have been charming, perhaps privet, but no. Lily Evan's was a picket fence.

The ride to King's Cross was uneventful. Petunia scowled in the back of the car, irate that she had been forced to come, and Lily stroked her head girl badge repeatedly. They arrived at just the right time for Lily to be on the station mere seconds before her best friends, thus ensuring Lily was staring thoughtfully at the crimson train, realising it would be her last year, as friend number one leapt on her from behind, shrieking. Naturally, they hugged each other excitedly, squeaking and laughing excessively, before boarding the train together, rapidly exchanging talk of their respective holidays.

Lily's friend in question was the tall and vivacious Marlene Mckinnon. She was a brunette with richly coloured hair to her waist. Her eyes were a chocolate brown, and she was generally stunning and sought after. She was also incredibly tanned, having just come back from Egypt. They sat in their compartment, gossiping about all the fit Egyptian boys Marlene had snogged with. Suddenly the door slid open with a bang, revealing their two other friends, Alice Prewett and Dorcas Meadows. The effect was instantaneous squealing, and they continued until they had all calmed down, fifteen minutes later. Alice was a pretty girl with a round face, who had been dating Frank Longbottom for two years now, and it didn't look like that would end any time soon. Dorcas was an attractive girl, but of course she was not quite as beautiful as Lily. She was as good looking as Marlene, but less sought after, due to her shy bookish nature. Her hair was dark black and her eyes dark blue. She had a long-term crush on Remus Lupin, because he was sexy but sensible, and utterly her male counter-part, which is what we look for in a fictional match, don't we? The girls chattered at length about their holidays, despite their being in constant contact by owl post, which I'm sure you couldn't have guessed on your own, until Marlene suddenly looked at Lily.

"Lily? Shouldn't you go to the head's carriage? The train will leave soon."

"Oh! Yes! I'll be back later - this shouldn't take too long." And Lily dashed out of the compartment, down the train corridor as though a were-wolf were on her tail. She reached the head's carriage perfectly on time, skidding to a halt and causing an odd grinding-creak from the floorboards. Standing before the door, she shook her hair (in its bun), smoothed her robes and cleared her throat with a little 'hrmm' before pushing the door open neatly.

"Hey Evans." Came the debonair, sexy, ultra-suave and yet highly irritating voice of none other than James Potter.In an instant, Lily's composure went down the metaphorical toilet.

"_What_ are _you_ doing _here_, Potter?" She said (nearly screaming). James did not answer, but instead puffed out his chest and tapped the glossy badge the resided neatly on his left breast pocket. There was a rather awkward moment of silence.

"Er, I'm the new head boy. Aren't you pleased?" He asked. She rolled her eyes.

"_No_, I am _not_ pleased, you puerile, asinine fool. Give the badge back to Remus, the rightful head boy. Dumbledore would have to be out of his mind to pick you as a representative of all things well behaved and mature. Leave now."

"But I really am head boy!" He said earnestly. "Look." He reached into the shirt pocket below his head badge, and withdrew a letter. Lily snatched it from his grasp, and perused it urgently. It was identical to her own letter, other than it was addressed to the new head boy, James Potter. James took the letter carefully from her shaking hand. "Lily? What's the matter? Are you okay?" Lily did not answer. The world rippled dimly around her, tilting beneath her legs, and she passed out.

Lily woke hazily, her first thought being 'I fainted.' and the second being 'My word... that's so embarrassing.' It took her a little longer to realise why she had fainted, spring to her feet energetically, as though she had never fainted, and turn to face James Potter accusingly.

"You can't be head boy!"

"Well I am." He responded in a defeated tone. "Let's get on with it, shall we?"

"Get on with what?" Lily was puzzled.

"We need to talk to the prefects, don't we? Are you feeling okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be feeling fine, Potter?"

"Well, you did sort of faint."

"I was dozing." She snapped at him. He shrugged, and left for the prefect compartment. She stood for a second looking bemused before haring after him.

The meeting with the prefects came somewhat as a surprise. This was due to the fact that Potter drilled the prefects with an organised list of duties and general information, and did not crack a smile or a joke once. When he had finally given out the last of the passwords, and told the prefects to patrol the train a bit, he turned to Lily, asked if there was anything she would like to add, and when she said there was not he dismissed the meeting. It had taken a mere four minutes, and Lily was stunned at his efficiency.

"See you around, Lily." He said huskily as he left for the marauders compartment - the same one that they had commanded from their first year.

"Bye...Potter." Lily responded. He had used her first name! Should she call him James? No! For surely it would mean that she fancied him, and she would never fancy an arrogant toe-rag of his calibre. She drifted back to her carriage in shock, causing her friends to exchange knowing glances, and steadily the train wound its way to the far flung part of Scotland which held one of the wizarding worlds greatest secrets.


	3. Chapter 3

3 - When things get started.

"So where are we going?" Lily asked the boy before her.

"To the head dorms." He responded absently, his hand reaching for his mussed hair as his wand swept a path of light beyond.

"Patently. I got _that_ much,"she rolled her eyes. "But where are they? How come Dumbledore saw fit to tell you and not me?"

"Because Dumbledore has been responsible for not expelling me every time I've been somewhere in the school at a time I am not supposed to be there. It is reasonable to assume that confidence in my ability to find my way around the school is not misplaced, since I have spent so much of the past six years running around it in minimal light."

"How very responsible. Dumbledore should throw you out as soon as possible." Lily replied nastily.

"I have tried to change." James told her in a resigned voice. They walked in silence, only hearing the sound of their footsteps as they trod softly on worn carpets, floorboards and stone floors, and the occasional creak as a curious suit of armour turned to look at them.

A ghost appeared suddenly from a wall, causing Lily to shriek and fall daintily into James's arms. They were strong arms, she noted, with well-formed muscles from Quidditch, and the muscles on his torso were also defined, because floating around on a broomstick is guaranteed to give any boy great abs. He also smelled nice - a musky scent of cologne. She pushed herself off him, turning pink in the dark, and they were silent for several minutes more, until Lily punctuated the quiet air:

"This is taking ages. Why is it so far from the Gryffindor tower?" Lily asked as they passed a loudly snoring portrait.

"Because not all heads are from Gryffindor." James explained patiently (but with obvious arrogance). "It's just at the other end of this corridor. I doubt you've ever been up here." indeed, Lily had not ventured into this part of the school before. It suddenly became apparent exactly why Dumbledore saw fit to give James the instructions. Not that she planned on admitting this aloud.

"It's miles away from the great hall. I'm going to have to leave ten minutes earlier for breakfast. I suppose it's near enough to arithmancy though, and the astronomy tower - although that isn't any use since astronomy isn't one of my NEWT options." Lily half expected him to make a quip about putting the astronomy tower to better use, as some romantically-minded pupils did, but he merely said-

"I can show you a quick way down to the great hall."

"Yet you didn't see fit to use it tonight."

"Well no. It's a bit one-way, and I thought you would rather acquaint yourself with the mainstream way before learning the shortcuts. They get quite dark at night." She did not reply to this. She was very uncomfortable with the dark, unlike him, and glad that here at least there was the occasional moonlit window and candle as well as the wand light. James had stopped suddenly at a small portrait, no bigger than an A4 piece of muggle paper. "This is so remote, I doubt there's much chance my friends will find me here." James commented, rummaging in his pockets for the slip of paper with the password on it. The hound that had been asleep in the painting awoke at the sound of his voice, and stood with a slowly waving tail. The fox it had been sleeping next to lay with its chin resting on its paws, but looked at Lily through dark intelligent eyes. **(A/N What to choose for the portrait? Decisions, decisions. Perhaps a painting of the first heads, who fell in love of course, or the school founders, or maybe something 'meaningful'.)**

"I thought you were like brothers," she mused.

"I'm sure you don't want to spend all of your time with your sister. Okay, I've got it." James told her, adjusting his glasses. "Pride of Gryffindor." Lily gaped at the painting as it expanded to the size of a piano. The fox turned and disappeared down the now enormous hole behind it. To Lily's shock, her hand was suddenly in James' and he was tugging her down the hole after the fox. She let out a brief squeal, before she found herself landing on James' knee atop a long sofa. **(A/N Oh, ****heart-fluttering moment!) **She scrambled off quickly, heart thumping, and busied herself with looking around the room they were now in.

It was a vast room in red and gold tones **(A/N Obviously)**, with an enormous set of red silk curtains, presumably covering a large window, on the wall to their right. In the wall opposite this was a fireplace big enough to roast a hippogriff, should they feel the need, and two magnificent red sofas in front of it, with a large table between them. The third sofa in the room was the one they had landed on, placed below a portrait of a forest floor with a hole in it, which was undoubtedly paired with the fox and hound picture they had stepped into. They had fallen out of it and onto the sofa, and the same intelligent fox was standing watching them. The wall opposite had several portraits, accompanied by two regal oak doors with their names carved in the lintel. What Lily noticed last about the room, but which delighted her most, were the filled bookshelves on either side of the fox painting. She let out a little 'Oooooooooh!' of delight, and floated to examine the bindings. After a minute had passed, she noticed James watching her with a smile.

"I'm just going to see my room. And sleep. Shall we meet here tomorrow morning?"

"Why?"

"I thought you didn't know the way."

"Oh. No. I don't. Yeah, okay. Erm, thanks." **(A/N note how Lily is randomly incapable of speech.)**

"That's okay. Goodnight Lily." He turned and disappeared through his door. The kindled a curiosity in Lily, and she immediately paced the distance to her door.

Her room exceeded all expectations. It was exactly how she had always imagined her perfect bedroom - large and airy, with drawn lacy lavender curtains, a deep pile purple carpet and an enormous four-poster bed hung in lavender silk. Everything was purple or white, with pretty paintings of flowers on the walls and aesthetic knickknacks with frilly bits. There was also an enormous walk in wardrobe, which dwarfed Lily's limited collection of clothing. Suddenly taking note of another door, Lily entered it, discovering a large marble bathroom on the other side. The bath was a swimming pool, and the shower was a glass-encased waterfall. The toilet was a throne. It was all splendid, until Lily realised - horror of horrors - that the head boy also had a door to this bathroom suite, and there were no locks! This would, of course, lead to many inevitable embarrassing and yet scintillating meetings with the head boy who she did not fancy. **(A/N Clearly, it was impossible for the accomplished head girl to use a simple locking charm.)** She ran back into her room, and flung herself upon the bed with a happy squeak of delight.

The next morning, Lily rose early and was ready with plenty of time to spare. 'I wonder if Potter is ready yet.' She thought disapprovingly, opening her door to find that, surprisingly, he was.

"Shall we go?" He said promptly, and she nodded in faint bewilderment as he turned to the expanding portrait. She followed him down to breakfast, and by the time they had arrived, it was evident that most of the school had also.

"I thought you were going to show me a short cut." She stated in irritation.

"I forgot." He told her lamely, before she stalked off to meet her friends. In truth, he thought as his eyes misted over dreamily, he had not forgotten. In truth, every second with Lily Evans was precious.

"Oi, Prongs!!" Sirius yelled, a bit of bacon flying from his mouth as the surrounding females swooned with delight.

"Hey Sirius." James replied distantly. He went to join his best mate at the Gryffindor table, where he proceeded to scarf down breakfast in a revolting fashion, as Sirius and Peter were doing. Remus, of course, was too gentlemanly. Lily noted this gentlemanlike behaviour with approval at the same time as she observed the disgusting behaviour of his friends. If only he could have been head boy, rather than revolting Potter, who could not even discipline his own masticating, let alone other students. At this moment she was distracted by Professor McGonagall handing her a new timetable, which she perused with anticipation. That she had been distracted at such a moment was lucky, for had she not been she would have noticed a sudden addition to the ranks of students in the hall, as a girl in her own year entered.

This girl was not one of Lily's friends, oh no. She was a tall, glamorous, willowy blonde of excessive beauty. **(A/N They're always blonde. I'm blonde. I'm not sure whether to feel perturbed or gleefully delighted.)** Her eyes were vast and icy blue, with long dark eyelashes that seemed to dance erotically as she blinked. Her lips were large and begging for plenty of kisses. Her complexion was pale and flawless. Her curves somehow managed to shine through the unflattering Hogwarts robes, causing all boys around to sigh pathetically. She was a rich pureblooded Slytherin, her name was Summer Winters and Lily Evans was her worst enemy. In fact, thought she with a sinister smile, Lily would be dead were it not for the fact that Lily was uglier than her. Lily was the one thing that stood between her and What She Wanted, which was James Potter. He was perfect for her- good-looking, rich, pureblooded and... and currently eating his morning meal in an utterly uncouth manner! But that didn't matter. She would go out with him, and marry him and change all his nasty little imperfections, such as the fun-loving personality which made him an endearing character.

She sauntered over to afore-mentioned James with her hips swaying, and bent over next to him, eyelashes fluttering and a coquettish smile fastened firmly in place.

"Hey Jamie-poo. Which lessons do we have together?" She cooed.

"How should I know?" James asked her, matter-of-factly. "I'm not your secretary." Summer looked abashed for a second, before rebounding.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh! You do transfiguration too! And we're in the same class! With McGonagall! Don't you just _hate_ transfiguration?"

"No, I kind of like it actually."

"Oh. But duh! Silly me! You're the top of our class! You must love it, since you ace it! Speaking of love, do you want to take me to Hogsmeade on the first Hogsmeade weekend?" She waited expectantly for an enthusiastic 'yes!', but discovered, to her chagrin, James had become distracted by a conversation with Sirius over how they could use raw bacon in a Quidditch match to their advantage. She huffed, flipped her hair and pranced away, tossing a "Bye Jamsey-wamesy!" behind her, that went unheard. Unbeknownst to her and her mortal enemy, two pairs of male eyes were fastened on Lily as she conversed with Dorcas Meadows. They were the warm hazel eyes of James Potter, and the cold, black eyes of Severus Snape, which contained both a glimmer of hope and despair.


	4. Chapter 4

4 - The Miraculous Transformation

**A/N I would just like to ask, before I start, is the whole 'high-school' thing true? Can any Americans out there please tell me, do you really have all these cliques and factions, or is this a myth perpetuated by films and fanfiction? Please tell me, I'm really curious. It doesn't work quite like that in English secondary school, and certainly not in college and university. And what is the difference between a prep and a popular?**

**I would also like to say firstly that buns don't make people look unattractive, but I thought the idea that they did was suitably ridiculous for the genre. Also, this story is totally in canon, because as my friend said, AU is an astronomical unit. Go hang yourselves by a parsec if you think you can make Lily a vampire and get away with it. Vampire Lily is not in canon, and I am also speaking metaphorically because you cannot hang yourself by a parsec. I am not suggesting you hang yourselves. Please don't. That is all.**

The first week started well, albeit with monotony as the regular school schedule began to set in. There was at least a sense of purpose that always coupled with the first few weeks, lasting until a large proportion of students lost the initial buzz as they realised the rest of the school year would be the same. There were the odd pupils, such as Lily Evans, who truly enjoyed school and took great interest in both the vast amounts of knowledge it offered her curious mind, and the social opportunities with her friends that it presented (what a well-rounded person). Such a social opportunity was given her on the first Thursday evening of the school term, when she and her friends took a large quantity of sugary food from the kitchens and spent a long time gossiping in their dormitory.

"I can't believe I have all my lessons with Potter," Lily said bitterly, biting sharply into a cherry bakewell. **(A/N Lovely things!)**

"You're obviously just so similar." Mary McDonald stated lazily, examining her eclair closely. "You chose the same subjects and everything, you're meant to be. It's fate. Bringing you closer together."

"Shut up, Mary." Lily scowled and threw a pillow at her. The other girls squealed with laughter, it was just that funny. **(A/N What is it with fictional girls and pillows? It's like hearing a boy theorising what happens at a girly sleep-over, or slumber party.)**

Mary was a very close friend, also a seventh year Gryffindor, and she delighted in being annoying. She had dark blonde hair and was pretty, but not as pretty as Lily. Of course. Nobody was as pretty as Lily.

"And he's head boy. You're going to have to spend loads of time with him," Dorcas pointed out.

"Oooh, yay, lucky me." Came Lily's moody reply. "I think the worst bit is having to share the head dorms with him. It would be fine if I still had a bed here."

"Well, our thoughts go out to you, dear. Alone with Potter. Tucked away in a cosy common room of your own for hours on end. Nothing to do but-"

"Shout at each other?" Lily suggested quickly, turning to face Marlene who had spoken.

"Well, I was going to say snog actually." Marlene replied with a grin. Mary squealed with laughter.

"Marlene, my sweetling, my dear demented friend, I feel I must once again explain to you that I am as likely to snog Potter as Peter Pettigrew is likely to find someone other than Remus, Black and Potter to hero worship. Which means I am not going to be spending my time in the head dorms happily snogging his face off. I will be miserably hating his innards."

"Well, you know, you could always share my bed." Mary suggested, giving her a saucy wink. At Lily's predicted look of horror, she and Marlene burst out into squeals of laughter.

"It won't be so bad, Lils." Alice told her firmly. "He's matured loads this year. Frank says he's really different too. Didn't you realise that's why Dumbledore chose him as head boy? Now he's more sensible, and all the other students admire him anyway, so he's the perfect figurehead. We need someone like him, what with war brewing." All the girls chose not to respond to the last ominous comment about war. None of them liked to think of the imminent battle that Alice's parents said would happen. Alice was a pureblood, so her parents were well aware of the tension in the magical world that had grown up from century-old feuds. Marlene was a half-blood and so her parents talked of it less, and both of Dorcas' parents were muggleborn, and didn't like to talk about those things anyway. None of Lily's family was magical, so she knew very little **of the growing tensions. All she knew was there was some sort of movement following a Lord something that was against muggleborns like her. She had been called a mudblood by someone she had previously called a friend, and knew such things were far below her notice.**

"Anyone want to finish off the treacle tart? I'm stuffed." Mary said, cutting across the girls' silence.

"Yes please!" Lily squealed. "Thanks. I love this stuff." There was another pause, filled with the sound of munching. **(A/N Because Harry's love of treacle tart MUST be hereditary.)**

"Girlies, this has suddenly turned into a rubbish girls' night in. Where is all the fun bitching and gossiping?" asked Marlene, flapping her hands as she did.

"Oh Marlene. Marlene Marlene Marlene. You simply cannot live without your bitching and gossiping." Mary stated with a sigh of woe. "I do have one thing we _must_ discuss though. One Miss Mckinnon's strong feelings for one Sirius Black." There was an immediate outburst of laughter, agreement, squeals, and from Marlene strong protestations.

"I _do not_ fancy _him_. You sicken me, Mary. To suggest that I would fall for an idiot like him. Maybe we should discuss Mary's awful last boyfriend... Stop laughing!! Okay, let's do something fun. Let's give Lily a makeover." There was another silence, and they all suddenly turned to look at Lily.

"Wheeerrrr?" Lily asked, mouth filled with treacle tart.

"It's makeover time, Lils!! MAKEOVER!!"

"You know, we actually should. Maybe she's actually pretty with her hair taken out of that bun." Mary said thoughtfully, before receiving another pillow to the face. Lily spent five minutes exclaiming feebly that she didn't want a make-over, before she acceded that she really did sort of want one. Several noisy minutes were spent arguing over hair and eye make-up particularly, but in the end Dorcas did her hair and Marlene concentrated on her face. Alice and Mary were all too happy to sit and watch, with Mary making rude comments that Lily could do nothing about.

"Can I hex her now?" Lily pleaded of Marlene. "She just doesn't shut up." Mary responded with a cackle.

"Yeah all right." Marlene told her. "Voila! Ladies, we're finished." Before Lily could dash for her wand, she was distracted by a chorus of 'ohhh' from all present

"What?" Lily asked, turning to face her friends. They stared at her. She rotated slowly to look in the conveniently placed mirror, and gasped. There stood a resplendent vision of beauty, an ethereal redhead, and it was Lily. She approached the mirror slowly, gaping like a very unfortunate air-contained fish, and gazing intently at the reflection. None could possibly exceed the beauty of her smokey eyes with their startling green irises, the full and delicate pink lips, the faint blush that lit her cheeks. And her hair, it cascaded down over her shoulders in a thick, shining curtain of dark red, pinned back with a twinkly green diamante loaded barrette that only accentuated the dark sparkling green in her eyes. She turned slowly to meet the looks of her friends.

"Oh my! You are a goddess!" Dorcas squealed with significant admiration.

"Why did you never tell us you are beautiful?" Mary asked, stunned into seriousness by the miraculous transformation.

"Well, Lily began, looking doe-eyed, girlish and innocent as she did so. "I didn't know I was anything more than a little bit pretty, but I wanted people to love me for who I am, not how I look." It did not occur to any of them that James Potter had always loved Lily with her tightly bunned hair. Snape did too of course, but he's totally irrelevant and unwashed at this point. Thus Lily skipped back to her dormitory in the dark, full of newfound confidence.


	5. Chapter 5

5 - A bet and a boyfriend.

I used a delightful little online thingy for galleon conversions. I can't vouch for its accuracy, and I didn't make it and don't own it or anything.

News spread around Hogwarts like dragon pox among the elderly, and it was fortunate that Lily was able to collect herself and remain strong now her shy, self-conscious feelings had been stripped away with her disguise, for it was her that was being talked about. Admittedly, most of the talk was good, but there were some grains of resentment and negativity clustered among conversations. Lily had never been enormously popular. She had a large group of female friends that extended beyond her best friends in Gryffindor, and a few male acquaintances that could be called friends at a pinch. Now, however, boys were running to meet her, and among James Potter's fan club, a bitter murmur of 'She's pretty' was spreading.

The reaction of James Potter himself was as much as could be expected. As she walked into the Great hall alone the morning after the make-over, his mouth dropped open and he stared at her for several seconds, until Sirius jerked him from his reverie with-

"Dude. She's hot."

"Yeah," sighed James in response. "She just gets more beautiful every day." At this Sirius blinked, looked at the girl again and yelped **(A/N The dog)** in shock.

"That's Evans? But I thought she was an ugly bookworm! Now I totally see what you totally saw in her, mate." And as James bristled with realisation, Sirius sauntered over to Lily as she was seating herself next to Marlene.

"Ssssssssssoooooooooooooo. Evans. Nice day for it. You're pretty hot. Fancy a date with yours truly?" he shot her his trademark grin, and the girls of the Sirius Black fan club simultaneously swooned and began composing hate mail to Lily in their minds.

"No. I do not want a date with you, Black." Lily said bluntly, and she reached over to the butter pat, instantly ignoring his existence entirely.

"Okey dokey. Seems fair, since James would probably kill me anyhow. Sssssssssssssssssooooooooooooo. Mckinnon. How about it? You, me and a cosy little table in Madam Puddifoot's?"

"You and that awful tearooms?" Marlene snorted and flicked her shining locks in disgust. "I would much rather drink bubotuber pus in the shrieking shack with a manticore."

"...So that's a no then?"

"Obviously it's a no! Did you really think I would accept you, especially after you had just asked my best friend out seconds before?"

"Well, I am like all fit and stuff. All girls want fit guys."

"Yeah, and girls with standards want guys with some form of intelligence too." Lily ignored the bickering that began between the pair. They were completely meant for each other - any idiot could see that. Marlene was flirty and stunning, which was exactly what Sirius wanted, and although he was a complete moron with all the charms of dog poo, he was also suave, sophisticated and aced every one of his classes without doing any work, a perfectly logical set of character traits. The acerbic arguments were sure to give way to snogging and romance any day now. It was a wonder, really, how they couldn't see what was so obvious to all others, how utterly in denial they were. Who could possibly detail characters like theirs? Who would notice the stunning parallels being drawn between this pairing and the hero and heroine of our tale?

The day passed differently to what Lily was used to, mainly due to the increasing numbers of fellow students that Lily had never before spoken to who now came and chatted to her when possible in lessons. She was almost constantly surrounded by a small group of curious yet friendly teenagers, whose interest in the head girl had been piqued now she was subject to gossip. James could only watch wistfully from afar, sighing as he saw her talking, laughing, smiling, and he wondered if there was any hope that she would ever treat him with remotely similar cordiality. Unlike James, Lily was surprised by how much she enjoyed the new social freedom, now she wasn't hiding behind her mask of ugliness. She was free! Free to flirt with any guy she wanted to, and now they had initiative to flirt back, despite the risk of James Potter defenestrating them from an upper floor of the castle. Oh the joy! She had even been asked to join several scintillating study groups.

One of these groups was lead by none other than Amos Diggory, the fourth sexiest bloke in the castle, after Potter, Black and Lupin, clearly. His sexiness was only increased by the fact that he was the captain of the Hufflepuff quidditch team and reasonably intelligent. His popularity wasn't quite as good as it could have been because he didn't have the Mysterious Allure of Remus, the Witty Charm of Sirius, or the Noble Integrity and Leadership of James. He also just wasn't one of the Marauders. He had a consistent reputation from a large collection of reliable female victims that he was prone to breaking hearts and generally being a cad. Lily, being the intelligent young lady that she was, ignored these accusations.

"Hey Lily." Amos Diggory said smoothly, as he came alongside her in the charms corridor.

"Hey Amos." Lily responded with equal smoothness, looking at him from under her lowered lashes. Amos was very attracted to this half-closed eye thing she was doing, so he ploughed on.

"Hey, you know you've joined our study group and all? Well, seeing as we know each other now, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to Hogsmeade on the first legitimate Hogsmeade weekend. See, I have to be honest with you, Lily. I find you very attractive."

"I value honesty, Amos. Okay, it's a date then."

"Sure. Cool. See you around, Lily!" And with a wave and a debonair grin, he had set off in the other direction towards his next class. Lily patted her hair with an air of satisfaction.

"Oi, Evans!" A bellow sounded from behind Lily. She rolled her eyes and turned to face James Potter, who was jogging towards her, robes flapping. "Was that Diggory?" He asked sharply.

"Yes, that was Amos. Do you know him? Lovely boy. Captain of the Hufflepuff quidditch team. Also a prefect, so you and your miscreant chums have probably worked with him on several occasions. It was a dreadful shame he wasn't made head boy. He was so _right _for the role." James ignored the stabbing chest pain her words caused him.

"Diggory will break your heart. Don't do it Lily - don't go out with him. He's a bounder and a rake, and he isn't your soul mate."

"I fail to see how this is remotely close to being your business. He likes me, and I can do what I want. Goodbye Mr Potter, I have Charms to attend." She turned her nose up, and swept towards the classroom, a despairing James following.

The rest of the school quickly found out about Lily and Amos, which was especially good for Lily's well-being, since it ensured that the paranoid girls of the James Potter or Sirius Black fan clubs were no longer plotting her demise. Amos was obviously not cool enough to have a fan club, but cool enough for Lily and he to be the new 'it' couple. Tragically for Lily, she did not have any classes with her new boyfriend, and instead had to endure Potter staring meaningfully at her throughout all of them. Even more tragically for Lily, Amos didn't take transfiguration, so when Professor McGonagall handed out a new project there was no chance that she would be paired with him.

"Now today, class, we are going to start a new project. I must warn you that if you don't take this seriously, I will have to hand out punishments. It is extremely important for your NEWTs, in fact, your results hinge entirely on this project, which is why I will be expecting you to give it your all. Am I understood?" Her gaze swept the class, staying on James for a moment longer because he was detailing a fascinating drawing of a girl with red-inked hair within a heart. He looked up at her, and she sniffed disapprovingly before continuing.

"The project, while taking up a lot of your time, I'm sure will be rewarding academically. You will each be paired up with a partner of the opposite sex - you will not be told who - and you will write to each other at least on a weekly basis. This correspondence will continue until the end of November, unless of course you wish to continue it. Nobody would stop you. I have a list of the pairings, which will not be kept in my office and will be under magical protection. I know some of you would wish to know who your partner is, but that is against the rules. Write only under false names, and do not give away your identity. Any questions?"

"I have a question." Remus said as soon as his hand was raised. She nodded for him to talk. "What educational benefits are there? I don't see how this is connected with transfiguration."

"I do not think an explanation should be necessary, Mr Lupin," she replied sharply. Clearly she was right - whenever mysterious correspondence projects crop up at Hogwarts they are rarely explained. Some believe it is to further the chances of the Hogwarts professors in the betting pool they have. Clearly the Hogwarts professors place bets on which Hogwarts pupils are destined for romance. What better uses could they possibly have for their time? Lily, Dorcas and Marlene left the classroom wondering which mysterious partners they could be paired up with, as James Sirius and Remus discussed the same thing, making their way to the seventh year Gryffindor boys' dorm.

"Well, I can always hope, can't I?" James announced hopefully, sitting himself on the edge of Sirius' bed in lieu of his own, sadly no longer there.

"Evans?" Sirius snorted. "Not likely, mate. Just look at how many times the chick has rejected you. Chances aren't high. Besides, she's going out with old whotsisface. You know, the quidditch one."

"Diggory." James snarled. "He doesn't deserve her."

"Calm down mate. He'll dump her, her heart will break and you can be the one to mop up her tears. The shoulder for her to cry on. Girls like that stuff." Sirius told him dismissively.

"Yeah...I'll be the knight that comes to the rescue and stuff. But I can't believe it!" James cried, "It's awful. He'll break her heart. She could do better." He ran his hands through his hair and sat down on his bed dejectedly.

"Better like you? Yeah right." Sirius barked out with a laugh.

"Yeah, right." James told him angrily. "If she saw the real me she wouldn't be like this. She'd be happy to go out with me. And then we would get married and have lots of babies and everything would be wonderful..." he trailed off, eyes misting.

"Bet that won't happen." Sirius told him promptly. "Bet you fifty galleons."

"Sure." James said boldly. After all, fifty galleons is appropriate for a bet between young friends. It's only worth around five hundred US dollars, or two hundred and fifty pounds sterling. They gripped hands and shook fiercely.

"The time limit is until the end of the year. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, grinning gleefully. "You'll never manage this."

"Evans will be mine by then. You'll see." James told him. He hoped it was true, or his chance with Lily would be lost. Forever...


	6. Chapter 6

6 - In which a terribly amusing prank is played.

This chapter I have decided to dedicate. Firstly I would like to dedicate it to muddy worm, who is unfailingly lovely and encouraging. I would also like to dedicate it to an unnamed story I read recently. It made me laugh a lot, but I'm not quite sure if it was supposed to. Kudos for effort, I suppose. Don't worry - if you're reading this, that can't have been your story. I shall also dedicate this chapter to authors who try to find really long words on wiktionary.

Marlene scribbled with a fury upon the square of parchment.

"So how do we know who to send this letter to?" Lily asked as she watched her friend's quill fly.

"Hmm...? Oh, Er... you just put 'pen pal' on the front of the letter and your ultra-clever owl knows where to take it." Marlene replied assuredly. She signed from '_Your pen pal_.' with a flourish as Lily searched for her own parchment.

"I don't know what to write," she fretted. Marlene ignored her, going instead to open the window. An owl swooped in, did a tight turn away from Marlene's hopeful face and landed atop the hanging rails of Lily's four poster. Lily reached up to take the waiting letter.

"What does it say?" Mary asked with eager curiousity.

"Hang on. Erm... Dear Pen pal, hello. I don't see the educational benefits of this stupid project, but hey! It's nice to sort-of meet you. My pen-name is Jet. I like quidditch, sugar quills and transfiguration, although I am not keen on the projects McGonagall sets, but this one looks like the easiest yet. I am male and in seventh year, but undoubtedly you knew that from what McGonagall told us. So, tell me about yourself please. Cheers, Jet."

"Wooooooooooow. He sounds hot."

"Mary, how can you possibly tell that from a letter?"

"She was being sarcastic, Dorcas. She barely ever stops."

"Why Marlene! How can you say such a thing? Sarcasm is _far_ below me. It was a sincere attempt to sound like you, because you're my role model."

Lily ignored her friends' childish teasing, too intent on the letter to pay them much heed.

"Guys, I'm going to the head dorms to get my parchment. I'll probably stay there - do some work and get an early night."

"How could - Oh. Bye, Lily. - How could you not call that sarcasm? Could anyone get any more sarcastic?"

Lily slipped out and sped back to the head dorms. As she sat at her desk with the parchment, she heard James enter their common living room type thingy. She wondered who his pen pal was, and then pushed the thought belligerently from her mind before starting her own letter.

'Dear Jet,' she wrote. 'This must be the pointless project I have ever been set. Not that I'm complaining. At least it means less Transfiguration work. I have to confess, it isn't my favourite subject. That's Charms, or maybe Potions. I'm a Gryffindor, who also loves sugar quills, chocolate frogs and quidditch - although not as much as some boys I know.' Lily paused, and then scribbled an afterthought. 'Tell me about your family. Got any siblings? Bye, Emerald.'

Why, Lily wondered, had this mysterious boy named himself Jet? How enigmatic. To what could this name pertain? Perhaps the boy had uber-fast reflexes. Perhaps it was the quick way in which he would capture a girl's heart. Her owl was super-conveniently perched upon a gilded rail on her desk, meaning she did not have to make the arduous trek to the owlery. Peanuts, the beautiful snowy owl (she had a genetic appreciation of snowy owls) stood serenely upon a single leg as Lily tied the letter to the other. She sighed happily and looked out the window as her owl curved away through the air. Her mind wandered to abstract things and Transfiguration. James, meanwhile, was also looking out of the window, but his own thoughts were a great deal more straightforward.

'I wonder if she's thinking about Diggory,' he wondered. A pained look crossed his face. 'I know she never thinks about me. Everything I do makes no difference. I'm just not good enough for her. My life is terrible. I'm such a tragic hero.' He sighed miserably, dragged his fingers through his hair and took the hand mirror from his desk.

"Sirius," he said clearly (and sorrowfully). Sirius's face appeared almost instantly.

"Hey mate. Whassup?"

"I'm feeling a bit... You know."

"Evan's fever again?

"Yeah." James replied gloomily. "She's so wonderful, so perfect, but she never even realises I'm there-"

"Yeah, yeah, cool. Anywho, I've got this totally awesomnial prank planned. Meet me at the kitchens in fifteen minutes."

"Sure." James replied sadly, and his own face reappeared in the mirror.

The Marauders walked in to the Great Hall the next morning, eyes turning in their direction as they usually did. But however much scrutiny they were subjected to by adoring fans, no one discerned the faint greyness below their eyes, the slight squinting that was a result of a firewhisky-induced headache, the hint of a smirk playing on the lips of Sirius, James and Peter. Remus just looked ill. Remus always looked ill.

"Aaah, pork chipolata sausages." Sirius said grandly as he sat. "One of the greatest culinary inventions. Would you care for a sausage or four, oh dearest chum of mine?"

"Gladly will I accept these sausages you offer!" James exclaimed, spearing several sausages from the proffered platter. Further down the table, Lily rolled her eyes at their idiocy. Peter masticated with an open mouth and Remus buried his nose further in his book as the four Marauders fell silent, eating breakfast with sudden calm. It was a remarkably peaceful and sleepy morning. A single, early owl drifted through the rafters, making the only low noise. In fact, there was barely any talking from the students, as they were all content to chew. Long moments passed. James winked at Sirius, and Sirius responded with an imperceptible grin. There was a pause.

CRACK.

A sound inexplicably like splitting wood resounded from the Slytherin table. Everybody froze, not noticing the Marauders' silent laughter. A heartbeat passed. Snape looked at Avery nervously.

BANG.

A sound like a firecracker made the Slytherins jump. There was a pause, then-

"My robes!" Lucius Malfoy shrieked girlishly. There was a ripple of crimson and gold, and suddenly the Slytherins were howling with rage and anguish, trying to rip the Gryffindor colours from themselves. What torture, what misery. What could be worse than this?

"What could be worse than this?" Avery sobbed, tugging on his sleeves.

"I love fluffy duckies." Snape told him.

"You wha'?" Malfoy asked inarticulately.

"I love bunnies too!" Bellatrix Black stated with shock.

"I want to save the fuzzy things"

"-And put them in my zoo."

Suddenly the Slytherins began to leap onto their table, a cacaphony of badly tuned voices singing a terribly amusing song about saving the fluffy creatures. McGonagall stood up and waved her wand, returning them to their seats before bellowing-

"BLACK! POTTER! MY OFFICE!"

James and Sirius merely guffawed with laughter.

"Aw, this is so unfair? How come no-one ever thinks I did it?" Peter complained wretchedly.

"Count your blessings, Pete." Remus told him wanly, before returning to his book.

"Man, that was the totally most awesome prank ever, dude!" Sirius told his friend gleefully. "I'm such a retarded genius, being able to concoct a potion that changes your robes and makes you sing a song about fluff. All bathe in my wonderosity."

"I can't believe you were that insensitive," Lily seethed at James. "Coprophilous_(1)_ detrivore_(2)_. When will you get it into your aeruginous_(3)_ brain that if you continue your tortfeasance_(4)_ you will not be in your position of head boy for much longer. And I will never love you!"

"Lily, you are afraid. You wish to startle me with my lack of comprehension, and thus become the hegemon_(5)_ in our relationship, regaining some of the control you feel you have lost through your blossoming feelings for me. But those words are in my vocabulary, and one day you will love me as I love you." James informed her calmly.

"Woah. Prongs has a word more than three syllables in his vocabulary." Sirius crowed.

"Apparently, so do you." Remus replied in a monotone, still peering at the pages before him. Lily noticed how sexy Remus looked, despite his ill appearance.

"No I don't!" Sirius cried, affronted.

"Vocabulary is more than three syllables," Remus pointed out. Lily smiled in appreciation of his massive intellect before turning to Potter.

"You are an imbecile. I am going." And she turned and marched away, strangely enough leaving James feeling the worse for wear. He slumped for a few seconds, and then bolted up and after her.

"Evans!" He positioned himself neatly in front of her.

"Go away, Potter."

"No, Lily, please listen. Look, I was depressed because you don't like me, but if you go out with me, see, I will never prank again."

"Go and produce vomit and then proceed to die in it." Lily told him nastily, although inside she was fainting with sudden unexplained love, and flattered by what he said. She brushed past his elbow.

"Oh Merlin's obscure underpants." He whispered when she was out of ear shot. "She touched my elbow. I need a cold shower!"

_Dear Emerald,_

_I approve of your appreciation of chocolate frogs and sugar quills. But I have to ask, what is your opinion on cockroach clusters? Chocolate frogs, I've always thought, should come in a variety of flavours. Perhaps pumpkin? A good friend of mine, a sensible boy unlike myself, is quite obsessed with chocolate frogs. Come to think of it, he's obsessed with all chocolate. You wave a bar of Honeyduke's finest around and his pupils dilate and he leaps for it. It is terribly funny. We once tied one to the ceiling beams and he spent twenty minutes trying to get it down the muggle way before remembering his wand._

_My best mate once tried to cross breed peppermint toads with chocolate frogs to get mint chocolate tadpoles as a birthday present for aforementioned chocolate addict. He played romantic violin music and everything to get them in the mood, but it didn't go so well. The spells sort of merged somehow. Yeah. Anyway, we ended up with three cubic feet of mess that ricocheted off the floor and roof, getting faster and humming greensleeves. We managed to shrink it before a prefect turned up demanding to know what was happening. Oh, the drama._

_Have I got any siblings? Why, no. I have not. My parents had me late in life, and evidently did not have any more offspring. This is probably why I want a huge family when I get married. I say when, but to be honest there is only one girl I would ever marry, and she won't ever even go out with me. My life is a sob story. She'll never give me a chance, and no doubt I don't deserve one. I will never be as pure and strong and perfect as her._

_What is your opinion on Dumbledore's new robes?_

_Awaiting your response with eager anticipation._

_Yours always,_

_Jet._

1 Coprophilous - Having a particular interest or living in excrement.

2 Detrivore - Consumers of detritus, or a being that eats decomposing waste, e.g. worms and dung flies.

3 Aeruginous - Rusty, particularly copper rust.

4 Tortfeasance - Law breaking and wrong doing. James is a tortfeasor, because he commits many torts.

5 Hegemon - Dominating power.


	7. Chapter 7

7 - Debacles in retrospect.

Seventh year Herbology was, as per usual, eventful. Lily and Dorcas, the only two Gryffindor girls who took this class, trooped down to the greenhouses bright and early one Wednesday morning. Lily took a very large and inordinate amount of classes, which was unusual for a seventh year, but nobody seemed to realise this, and due to her being 'the cleverest witch in her year' the workload seemed to melt below her quill. Thus, nobody was surprised to see she and Dorcas entering the greenhouse with precisely one and a half minutes to spare.

"Shall we sit near to the door, or the other side?" Dorcas asked.

"Over there?" Lily suggested, pointing to the other side of the work benches. To her delight, she realised that Amos had also positioned himself there, and she gave him a warm smile which he returned as she sat down. One and a half minutes later, she realised her mistake as the Marauders barrelled in and took their regular seats, next to Lily and Dorcas.

"Morning Lily. Diggory." James nodded at them with a slightly mischievous grin. Lily looked away and hoped he wouldn't do anything she would regret.

"Good morning class." Professor Sprout called. "Now we are working with magical and none magical bladder campion today. If any of you make a mistake and begin to feel the effects... Well you all know where the nearest toilet is." The students listened with varying degrees of attention as she explained procedures. Lily was met by a satisfying thought as she watched James chat to Sirius out of the corner of her eye, talking about a prank, no doubt. He wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention, and consequently would clearly pay for it. On her other side, Amos sat upright, appearing to possess all the focus James lacked. Amos was such a clever Hufflepuff.

"Look at Diggory, smarming up to Evan's with that forced expression of concentration. Git. I'm going to hit him."

"No, you are not." Sirius told him in muted tones of boredom. "If you did so without an agreeably valid reason, Lily would despise you and never forgive you, and then where would you be? Just hang around patiently until she gets bored of him or he does something stupid. Or don't, you know, cos I stand to gain a lot of money if you screw up."

"Aren't breaking her heart and wasting her time agreeably good reasons?" James asked irritably. Sirius fixed him with a look and he continued, "she's a forgiving person though, at least to everyone else. Maybe it's a good thing that she treats me differently. You know, a sign that she likes me."

"Your point is valid, and yet complete rubbish. She forgives Death Eaters because they haven't been brought up properly, or have strayed down a path that's leading to their own inevitable peril and stuff. Clearly, mate, you have overstepped the mark cos you know exactly what you're doing when you mess around." James grumbled his discontent, but could not counter it. He turned to the bench, pulled his dragon hide gloves on and started moodily pulling the stamens out of the campions to check them, as Professor Sprout had instructed.

"You're right though." Sirius told James, pulling an empty jar towards him.

"About what?" James frowned. He pierced the bladder of a magical campion and squeezed the glittering yellow juice into the jar.

"He's smarming up to Evans. Man, that really does smell like pee." James's head shot round, and sure enough, Amos Diggory was leaning on the bench beside the prettified Lily Evans, barely concentrating on his work as he administered his subtle wooing.

"So how did I miss a beautiful creature like yourself these past years?"

"No one could see my innate beauty. I disguised it so people would love me for who I am, rather than my appearance. Don't touch that without a glove! Remember what professor Sprout said?"

"Of course I do, gorgeous. Gloves. Got them right here. And I want you to know, I admire every square inch of you." He leered, because he was horrid.

"Shouldn't that be cubic inch? If it's squared then that implies surface area, which means you don't like me for who I am inside."

"Whatever chick. You're just completely stunning." And at that point Lily felt a bare hand resting on her rear, which amazingly she did not object to.

James Potter did.

Sirius blinked unconcernedly at his friend, then at Lily Evan's bum, and then back at his friend.

"Well, I think that's a valid reason." He said with a shrug. James didn't need to be told twice.

THUMP.

"OW! WHA'WASSAT FOR?" Diggory cried, clutching his jaw as James stood fumingly above him.

"Get your hands of her arse, Diggory. Ladies deserve better treatment." James curled the dragon hide clad fist menacingly, muscles rigid in his fury.

"James Potter you are a prick! That was completely uncalled for! Lily gasped in shock. She helped a whining Amos to his feet, all the while wounding James with her evils.

"What on Earth is going on over there?" Professor Sprout called. "Return to your benches and get on with the work now. I don't care who started it; all three of you are going to remain silent for the rest of this lesson."

They sullenly stared at their benches, Lily feeling sad that she was in trouble, Amos feeling piteous because his face was throbbing and he couldn't chat Lily up. James wanting to hit Amos into the next year. He glared sideways at Amos, then paused.

"You don't-"

"I said silent, Mr Potter!" Amos turned slightly and stuck his tongue out smugly at James. He pulled a stamen from another campion, then froze.

"I tried to warn him, professor!" James said earnestly. Amos sprinted from the room awkwardly. He was, Lily noted, attempting to run with his upper legs clamped together.

"Yes, well, it's his fault for not listening. I said gloves. Stupid boy." she stumped off uncaring as Lily and James stared after her in surprise. Truth be told, she was a little fond of James and his fellow Marauders. The touched a note in her heart, and though, like the other teachers, she _pretended_ not to like them, she knew it was he who had punched Diggory, and had still punished the others equally. To her mind Diggory was a right idiot and had it coming. Even though he was in her house. Even though teachers should be above such petty things as bias and favouritism.

Lily said nothing to James for the rest of the lesson, and whilst James glanced repeatedly and longingly at her, he said nothing either. James always ruined the best things for her, Lily realised. It was then that she suddenly had a flash of the past, as she remembered a hitherto forgotten event. Something of enormous, unknown significance. She remembered when he ruined potions.

_Flashback_

_Slughorn had sat in his office late into the night, wondering._

_It still evaded him. He truly had no idea what he was going to do with the sixth year potions students the next day. What to do? Maybe a take-me-to-the-future potion? Too complex, even for an advanced seventh year. Veritaserum would be too, so there would be none of the delightful confessions of love between hormone-drenched students What a loss of his morning entertainment. Love potion? Banned from Hogwarts. A body switching brew? It was just a gut feeling, but Slughorn felt that could be a bad idea. And his gut feelings were pretty good._

_Slughorn sighed again, then it came to him. He'd have them all make an enlightening elixir, and then they could spend the day having epiphanies. He chortled, placed his little velvet cap on his head and went to prepare a lesson plan, including a seating arrangement._

_Lily was the first in the classroom next day. She smiled at the professor cheerfully._

_"Hello sir. Got something difficult planned for today?"_

_"Nothing you couldn't do in a trice, Lily." He chuckled, a laugh that shook through him and echoed through the classroom, bringing a bit more jollity to the dungeon room. It even caused some of the glum students to smile a little as they entered to take their seats. "Don't get too comfortable." Slughorn called. I'll be setting you to work with new partners today to stir things up a little." Everyone groaned and sat next to their friends, but didn't bother to take anything from their bags. After a long while, the Marauders were finally in the classroom, meaning the entire class was present._

_To Lily's consternation she was partnered with Potter. She sat with a look of horror on her face as he bounded over to her._

_"All right Evs? Let's do this thing!"_

_"Oh my word."_

_"So, Lilyflower, whatcha want me to do?"_

_"Oh my word..."_

_"I can get the ingredients, darling Evans. Shall I get the ingredients?"_

_"Oh my word!"_

_"Calm down Lilykins. I'll get the ingredients." He waltzed away to the store cupboard, as Lily sat frozen in perpetual shock._

_"Dude. Why did Potter just, like, you know, do a three-step dancey thing down to the front?"_

_"It's a waltz, man. Look at Evans. She's totally feelin' it."_

_Lily realised it would be best to start unpacking her cauldron, so she slowly did. James promptly came back with the necessary ingredients._

_"What do you want me to do now, Evans?"_

_"Just make it like it says in the book, Potter." And so together they shredded, poured and stirred, a smooth procedure, despite the apparent friction. And for a moment in the hissing steam of the potions room, there was peace. If only for a moment._

_"Chop this." Lily said brusquely, sticking a fistful of Veirnem grass in front of James's face without looking at him. His eyes struggled to take in the seeded waving grass heads before him, brushing his cheek and nose._

_"AACHOOOOOO!" James announced. Grass seed sprayed, along with the yellow powdered winkle shells._

_"Bloody hell!" Lily turned and spat at him. "You just HAD to go and bugger it up! Why couldn't you have just taken the grass rather than sneezing all over it."_

_"Evans..." James began. She stared, glowering, upon noticing the worry in his voice._

_"What?"_

_"I think we should get away from the cauldron," he told her, taking her hand and tugging her away. But Lily was transfixed, for the potion had become a vivid obnoxious green, streaked with gold, that was swirling, gaining momentum, and bulging out. There were bangs, and the pupils ducked._

_"Oh 'eck." James exclaimed, looking at the mess. The powder and seeds had not only gone in their cauldrons, but the two in front as well, and the vicinity was covered in trails of glistening colour. The three potions hissed angrily where they mixed upon the floor._

_"Well done, Potter. Now Slughorn is going to have to find an antidote, and goodness knows what they've done to people because the reaction between the potions shows that they are evidently different."_

_"Oh Merlin." James whispered, looking thoroughly shocked._

_"I'm glad you're feeling guilt, Potter. You've probably caused people no end of agony-"_

_"Look!" James said, waving his hand._

_"Oh Merlin."_

_"Yes! I know!"_

_"We're stuck together!" Lily wailed, on the verge of panicked hysteria. Slughorn hurried over._

_"What did you put in the cauldron?"_

_"Potter sneezed! And Veirnem grass went in! Not to mention the powdered winkles. He put powdered winkles in. And his revolting snot. What if I'm stuck to him for the rest of my life? PLEASE DON'T SAY THIS IS PERMANENT?!"_

_"I'm so sorry, sir, it was an accident. It happened after inclusion of the snortwort roots. Can you do anything about it?"_

_"Well, hrmmm. Settle down please, Lily. That's right, just sit on your stool. It can be fixed, and I can make the potion, but it takes three nights to brew. Until then you'll just have to muddle through I'm afraid. Go to Dumbledore if you like - he might have some more advice." James was just about to thank him when they were distracted by Lucius Malfoy."Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Now isn't she just the cutest thing?" He cooed adoringly over a tiny little girl (Narcissa Black, James realised) who had also been hit by the potion and was transformed into an angelic child, complete with miniature Hogwarts uniform. Lucius glared at the roomful of people who were rightfully taken aback by this show of affection. "What? Look at the blonde hair... And the big blue eyes. Don't say you don't all agree!"_

_'I can't say anything.' Bellatrix Black furiously responded in sign language. 'The potion hit me. I have lost the ability to speak.' The tiny Narcissa giggled._

_"Hewo Mista blondie! You's funny!" And Lucius melted into a sappy grin over her._

_"I have an antidote to change her back immediately." Slughorn informed Lucius kindly. Lucius whipped round and glared at him too._

_"A tailor-made velvet smoking jacket says you don't! With a matching tasseled cap, and a box of crystallized pineapple." Slughorn relented instantly._

_"You know, I think the antidote may be a little out of date. I think I may need to make a new one. It'll take a week... er, a fortnight, and in the meantime, Mr Malfoy, I am afraid I am going to have to prevail upon you to look after the poor girl. Would this tailor-made velvet smoking jacket happen to be in aubergine?"_

_Lily ignored all other conversations around her, too traumatised to find interest there. In the next three days she would have lots of amusing and humiliating experiences, as the pupils of Hogwarts school gossiped over Lily and James 'holding hands', as she tried to gain privacy going to the toilet, as she showered fully-clothed and slept in the same bed as James._

_James Potter ruined everything._

_End Flashback._

"Apologise to poor Amos." Lily demanded as the lesson ended.

"He touched you inappropriately!" James cried gallantly. Lily rolled her eyes.

"I'm going out with him. I have no problem with that. It's you that offends me, Potter. You are the inappropriate one." She told him this in a dramatic hushed voice, and whipped around, before marching off to the castle to find Amos.

_Dear Jet,_

_Cockroach clusters are foul. I've never thought about it before, but you're right - chocolate frogs should come in different flavours. Your anecdote about chocolate made me laugh lots. It was simply hysterically funny. It was the funniest thing I have ever heard. I cried for an hour because I was laughing so hard at your entertaining letter, and afterwards my eyeballs were bright pink._

_I almost wish I was an only child. My sister won't talk to me, unless it's to tell me I'm a freak. It hurts so much, but I can cope with it because I'm fairly hardcore. I still love her. Don't worry, I bet that girl you like is really n love with you. She's probably shy or awkward, because she has low self esteem. Keep going. You're clearly meant for each other, and she's an idiot if she can't see it. Don't give up, she'll give in eventually, and then you can have the fifty odd kids that you wanted. _(A/N Oh wow. The irony truly thrills.)

_Encouragingly,_

_Emerald._


	8. Chapter 8

_Dearly Beloved, this story got munched by my computer. Thankfully I had most of it stored on our ultra-complexicated home network. Sympathise, if you will. Still, I think this chapter is possibly better than the one I had originally written._

8 - The first casualty of war.

Was it just Lily's imagination, or was Amos Diggory avoiding her? She was torn between two options. Being a strong, assured young woman who could look out for herself, she could brush it off as his stupidity, or being a delicate, tender petal with insecurities that she hid from the rest of the world (and which no one but James Potter could see) she could weep a lament for the fact that she was clearly unloved. Mathematically speaking, these two reasonably equal and opposite pointing vectors should cancel out to produce no reaction. Lily had little knowledge of mathematical vectors, but this is exactly what she did. And hence, the students of Hogwarts, upon sighting their gloriously stunningly emerald orbed head-girl, were lead to believe that nothing was amiss in the world, which was slightly deceptive.

Lily could not help the slightest twingling twinge of doubt, though. One day, a week after the Flashback-Of-Great-Significance, she was having a particularly bad Transfiguration lesson, when Professor McGonagall told her that her grades had dropped to an Acceptable, and she would have to pull her socks up and her finger out and McGonagall would kindly find her a Transfiguration tutor. Morosely, she left the classroom just in time to hear snatches of a conversation. Polite girls didn't like to eavesdrop, but they still had the decorum not to put their fingers in their ears. Lily couldn't help but hear.

"...awful."

"I know! And she can't remove it."

"Madam Pomfrey? She can remove _anything_!"

"Not this. I heard..." Lily's ears strained to hear "...possibly permanent."

"...hospital wing?"

"Yep."

"Poor Amos."

"Who cares about Amos? He's not quite _that_ popular. Poor Lily Evans."

And Lily gasped, turned in the opposite direction, and ran. By the time she had reached the hospital wing, her cheeks were tinted a delicate pink, her hair was windswept and interesting and her eyes were gleaming with sympathy. She swept in.

"Oh Amos!" She cried, sweeping towards him like a empathetic angel. "Whatever happened to you?" Amos looked up sulkily, but upon seeing that she did not withdraw in shock at his unseemly appearance, he attempted a suave grin.

"Hey sugar." He leant forwards, hoping for a kiss, but she wasn't quite that generous. His face was, after all, green and swollen, and it wouldn't do to kiss someone with a slogan across their head. A slogan that stated concisely and to-the-point exactly what part of the anatomy he was considered to resemble.

"Can't Madam Pomfrey remove it?" Lily asked, eyes welling with compassion.

"Sure, babe. She will eventually. I'll be back to my ultra-handsome state in no time."

"Does it hurt?"

"No, baby honey. Only my pride. Or it would, if I had any." He chuckled.

"I'm glad. It means I won't have to jinx them quite as hard as I was planning. Who did this to you?"

"Sugar babe, didn't you hear? It was the Marauders, only there was no proof or anything so they got away with it."

"Didn't you see them? This is the last straw. They've gone too far. I'm going to get justice, and then we can go on the next Hogsmeade trip together, I'm going to curse them right into next September, when they will awake and discover that their eyeballs are pointing the wrong way, their innards will be so tied in knots that -"

"Look, we can't do this anymore."

"Do what? Sit in the hospital wing thinking up delectable methods of torture for our enemies?"

"We can't be together."

There was silence, and then the sound of smashing glass and a profanity uttered by Madam Pomfrey, who had been so transfixed by the drama that she had dropped a potion, which was now seeping through her shoes and turning her toenails blue.

"You're dumping me?" Lily whispered, tears in her beautiful almond shaped green orbs. (Her green orb earrings may also have been dripping.)

"It's for the best, babe." Amos assured her. "The Marauders have sent me notes - they'll hex me even worse if I don't ditch you now."

"That's for the best? But I thought you liked me!"

"Well yeah, I do. You're very pretty."

"So this had nothing to do with my mind and personality?"

"No. Look, I really don't want to be hexed."

"This isn't the right thing to do."

"Face facts babe," he laughed. "Me getting hexed is not right."

"No, the right thing to do is to stand up to things like this! People should have no right to trap us - to govern our freedom for their own leisure. We have to be brave, and... why are you shaking your head?" She demanded.

"Just accept it, there's nothing we can do."

"There is! I thought I was worth more than this to you!"

He looked at her, bemused, and scratched his eyebrow with a bewildered countenance.

"Well, you're pretty hot, but so am I, and I won't be if they permanently mar my face."

"You don't appreciate me for who I am?" Lily was stricken.

"Sure I do. I appreciate your body."

"I thought you were brave, but I realise you have never been and never will be a Gryffindor! Goodbye, Diggory!" Lily turned, and then as an afterthought swung back and placed a sharp slap across his face before sprinting away with tears threatening to fall.

She ran from the Entrance Hall, out towards a particular tree in the grounds. The day was overcast, almost raining. There was a shout of

"Hey! Lily!"

and footsteps pounded behind her. She bit back a sob of distress, and ran on, before throwing herself down under the massive beech. She drew her perfect knees to her chest, and clung to them tightly as though holding herself together. Her eyes shone with distress and she tried not to cry.

"Lily? Are you okay?" she heard him sit next to her.

"Leave me alone, Potter. This is your fault."

"I'm sorry. Sirius heard me complaining and he decided to take matters into his own hands. I should never have told him I was unhappy. I didn't mean for this to happen. I can fix things with Diggory if you want. Please, Lily, I want to see you happy."

"You're so insensitive. And a liar. Leave me alone, and don't ruin things any more." She got up and left, and he sat there alone for some time, watching the reflections darken on the lake.

Remus was in the library. This wasn't particularly unusual, really. He went there a lot. Currently, he had finished his massive piles of N.E.W.T. Level homework, and was looking for something nice to read. Such things were slightly hard to find in the Hogwarts library, but it was possible, and so he searched for the most attractive cover. Some people will tell you that, when looking for books, you must never go by the most attractive cover, and maybe this is true for a few overlooked and unsightly novels that have long been underrated, but for the most part he knew aesthetics would not let him down.

He paused, his hand stroking the air above the nestled rows of spines, and his hand hovered momentarily over a very promising cover. He squinted at it, tilting his head. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? Odd title. His fingers closed in for the kill, and-

"Remus!"

Sirius black picked his way through the shelves, somewhat disdainfully. He regarded Remus with a sharp eye from beneath his artfully arranged hair, and Remus looked back. For a short moment they stood and looked at each other. A rebel with a sharp attitude, who cared deeply for those he loved, although he was too much man to admit it, a lot of the time. A soft-spoken werewolf who, more often than not, could be found curled up with a book, and loved chocolate dearly, as it logically follows that anyone with a monthly problem would. Daring grey eyes met gentle, uncertain brown, and for a moment all was still across that gulf of turbulent books. And you know what they felt?

Sort of nothing, really. They were two young men of vastly differing personalities, possibly less different than some would think, who were good mates. And what momentary or lasting attraction did their relationship hold? None, because they were two teenaged boys, amazingly more obsessed with the next prank and their camaraderie than love and sex. If they did happen to fall in love, rest assured that they would never do anything against their character, it would be with a girl.

"Prongs is getting wet." Sirius said, prodding a book with a nonchalant air. "Evans upset him, and he's sitting in the rain. Rather excellent example of a macroclimate-microclimate situation. Shakespeare would be proud."

"Would this be somehow related to your Diggory hex?"

"Might be." Sirius shrugged, but Remus has discerning, and he caught the faint gleam of a smug mischief-maker in his friends eye.

"You know, Sirius, you could go and find Lily and apologise. Tell her it was your fault and all."

"Why? Sounds like effort."

"It would make Prongs happy. And we wouldn't have to hear him go on and on about how miserable it made him when Lily was miserable."

"...I can't argue with that. Very well, for friendship's sake. And it's only fair, I s'pose."

"How considerate of you."

"I am a capital chap. Well, I had better be off. Good thing I've got the map."

And the two young men sauntered off, one to find Lily and one to find James. Lily, to the fortune of Sirius, was surprisingly amenable, and agreed to accept that James had not been responsible. Sirius, you see, was not James, who was the only person she refused to listen to on the basis of personal grounds.

And to content herself after the depressing ordeal of being rejected, she wrote a sad letter telling of being dumped to the mysterious and charming Jet, and got a delightfully sympathetic reply.


	9. Chapter 9

_Yeah. I updated. Very wrong of me, since I have exams and all, but I'm one of those people who need a creative outlet. My excuse is that it alleviates exam stress. If anyone finds this chapter miserable - it is more miserable than most - just think of the word nougat. If that fails, tilt your head back to look at your ceiling, and laugh deeply._

9 - Perception and Communication.

The second Thursday of every month was dictionary day. It did not always involve a dictionary, but that was how it had started. Sirius had ended up in Gryffindor, to the surprise of everyone, and despite his winning personality there were still a few issues with getting people to connect properly. Sure enough, James and Remus he was already great friends with, and Peter's serotonin levels shot through the roof if they did so much as look at him. The four misfits of Gryffindor were the best of friends instantly - the weedy excitable one, the one with the secret that made him doubt himself, the boy who was a disgrace to his family and the only child who had been coddled and kept away from the world. The other Gryffindors were nice, but they never really trusted him. Until dictionary day.

His charming mother had kindly sent a generous helping of howlers and a dictionary when she heard which house he had ended up in. The dictionary was possibly bigger than Professor Flitwick, and had some words highlighted in it, such as traitor, pure and scum, since his mother was anxious that he understood the meanings of these words considered so vital for his upbringing. It a fit of boredom, he had read from A to C, and learnt several new multi-syllabic words, which he tested in conversation the next day. They words made him sound a lot like an idiot, which didn't really concern him, and this effect conveniently lead to people trusting him, purely because they thought he was too stupid to have got into Gryffindor through some cunning and sneaky Slytherin plot to spy on them, although why they would think that anyway is questionable.

Today, dictionary day did involve the dictionary. And a pair of glasses.

"I percieve from your semeiotics the saponule in your gebbie." Sirius frowned and adjusted the lens-deficient glasses. "Maybe it should make a little more sense?" He peered down at the vast tome, forehead wrinkling in deliberation before making up his mind. "Nah. They won't understand it anyway."

"You've got those stupid glasses on again?" James asked as he entered the dormitory with a towel clutched to the back of his dripping hair.

"Quite so." Sirius said, still frowning and thinking. James sat on the bed and there was a moment of silence.

"I was wondering who my pen pal is." James told him.

"I know who mine was," Sirius said.

"Oh yeah?"

"A loony."

"So you don't know who they really are?"

"She's called Margaret Apferstnaphth and she's barmy."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. She liked snogging frogs and when she passed a brewing potion she couldn't resist dipping her finger in it to see what it would do to her. She also informed me that she liked interpretive dance in the moonlight to the music of silence."

"Oh."

"I stopped writing to her, and she didn't write back. She's probably dipped her finger into the wrong potion and turned into a green lemming by now."

"And hopefully jumped off a cliff."

"Lemmings are not suicidal, James. They are, however, very murderous in cramped social conditions. Let us hope that her interpretive dance lead to a feeling of crampedness and resulted in a great relief for those poor beleaguered frogs."

"...Do you want to go to breakfast now?"

"Sure."

"Are you going to bring that enormous dictionary?"

"Nope."

"Good. Erm, are you going to wear the glasses?"

"Yeah."

"Look, mate, to be perfectly frank, they make you look ridiculous."

"I know. Come on, I want kippers."

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were already down in the Great Hall, the latter scarfing down great quantities of food in order to be portrayed as a gluttonous idiot and the former looking tired and thoughtful, and being completely unaware of the fact that Lily Evans, seated opposite, had just decided to fall in love with him.

It was undeniable. He was the pinnacle of respectability. The overlooked and undervalued, quiet and reserved werewolf who suffered with his terrible problem, the likes of which he would never deserve. Lily had realised he was a werewolf the first time he told her he was going to visit his ill mother, because Lily was vastly intelligent - she needed no more than a single clue. She also realised that his friends had developed the animagus ability for him, after she heard them refer to each other by their nicknames. 'And Potter must be a stag, because they call him Prongs' she thought cannily, before seeing James enter the hall. She rolled her eyes. He would go and be a stag wouldn't he? King of the forest? Arrogant git.

Lily rose elegantly from the table as Potter sat.

"See you in potions, Remus!" she cried sweetly, flipping her hair and looking elegant, saucy and delicate all at the same time. James melted into a puddle on his seat, and tried to pretend it was he whom she had just called back to. His brow wrinkled. Could there possibly be _something _between her and Moony? He jumped up and sprinted after her.

"Good morrow, fair fellow patricians. Say, what day is this, and what hour?" Sirius declared to the table. Several people rolled onto the floor, laughing at his antics. Dorcas Meadows was not one of these people, and nor was Marlene Mckinnon.

"Get stuffed Black, you idiot." Marlene snarled. Dorcas wondered if she ever had a chance with Remus. He didn't even look at her, and he had just smiled at Lily. Smiled!

James, meanwhile, had just caught up with Lily in the entrance hall.

"Lily."

"Potter."

"Ooh... That's quite good..."

"What is it, Potter?"

"The name just... Never mind. Lily, tell me truthfully, are you and Remus secretly an item?"

"What? How is that _any_ of your business _at all_?"

"I don't think it's an unreasonable request."

"What?"

"Honestly, Lily, I adore you. Surely I deserve to know."

"We're not an item, and neither are you and I. Please bear this in mind when you talk to me in that over-familiar way."

"It's not overly familiar. We're head boy and girl. We're supposed to maintain a strong, cordial relationship, and I'm trying, Lily. I'm trying to be mature for you. I've changed."

"You're not mature!"

"Hear this? This is my mature tone of voice. Not faux-bass, my normal baritone. Carefully modulated to maintain emotion within reason. Pranks are silly and irresponsible, and hexing people for amusement purposes is mundane and terribly cruel. I honestly don't even like those things anymore."

"You're not mature!"

"Please, Lily, you're shouting."

"You ARE NOT _mature_!"

"Miss Evans!" Lily winced and turned around. McGonagall swept towards her with a look of disbelief. "I should think you of all people would know that the Entrance Hall is not an appropriate place in which to shout. Have you forgotten that you are supposed to be setting an example?"

"But Potter-"

"I don't care what Potter said or did! I will ask you, Miss Evans, to stop telling tales like a child. You were chosen as head girl for your reliability and maturity, which funnily enough seems to collapse around Mr Potter, who is currently setting a better example than you."

"I'm sorry."

"That is all right. I want you to know that it must not happen again. Now, more than ever, is the time to step into positions of leadership. All silly little arguments must be forgotten, you are both to report to the headmaster. He has something of the utmost importance to discuss with you."

"What is it?"

"He did not say." McGonagall said tautly, and Lily and James realised she hadn't asked, because she already knew.

"You wanted to see us, sir?"

"I did. Please sit." Dumbledore met their eyes briefly, before turning his face to the pile of letters on his desk. There was a long pause, and then he sighed.

"Lily, James, I have a job which I hope I can entrust to you."

"Of course, sir." James said softly, wanting both to impress Lily and be of some use.

"It is not a pleasant task. I wouldn't give it to you, as I do not think you should have to shoulder such burdens, but it seems likely that we will all have to soon. Choices must be made." He inhaled deeply, and looked up at them, freezing them with his grave visage. He reached up and rubbed the bridge of his nose, and the twinkle in his eye, though it was there, seemed to get sadder and colder. "There have been disappearances for some time. You may not even have noticed them. The Daily Prophet speculated at length about the cause. It has now become clear, though, why these people are vanishing. They are being murdered, mostly, for being muggleborns. Have you heard of Lord Voldemort? Yes? He is at the root of this. All of it."

"What do you want us to do?" Lily asked in a small voice."

"A good question. This morning, Lily, I and some of our pupils got letters, to inform us that certain non-magical relatives of these pupils had been murdered. What they are going through is terrible, and I ask you, not at all lightly, if you would help them. There is very little you will be able to say which will offer them great comfort, but I think being there with them, informing their friends and offering a shoulder on which to cry will help more than you could imagine. I am going to give you this book." He held out a small, red-bound book and James took it. "Keep it in your common room. Check to see who is in need, and offer what solace you can. Do you think you wish to do this? I can ask some teachers to undertake the responsibility if you'd prefer." They shook their heads.

"I think we'll manage." James said, with a half-smile that didn't come out as genuine as he had wished.

"I think you are more than equal to the task, however awful it is. Remember, talk to each other. Be honest and you will find that moving together you can withstand the difficulty that this task presents. I don't doubt that you can put aside your differences and get along. You are grounded enough to know that, however deep your dislike of one another runs, other people are enduring worse which you will help them through. This is all I needed to say to you. Good luck, and you may come and find me if you ever feel the need." They stood, and James waited as Lily left, before bursting out with-

"But I don't dislike her, sir!"

"I know." Dumbledore said, a warmer twinkle appearing in his eye for the first time since they had arrived. James turned to leave. "And James?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Look after her." They met each other's eyes squarely, and James followed Lily.


	10. Chapter 10

_You're all so rubbish. You didn't bother leaving a single review. I just read the most appalling story, and consequently plan to up the ante in the next chapter. It made my parody look particularly unparodical and I felt dismayed. I didn't realise I was up against such stiff and serious competition._

10 - An Education In Discovery.

McGonagall found a Transfiguration tutor for Lily.

Peculiarly, she refused to tell who it was until they were in the room, standing in front of him.

"It's Mr Potter." she said, shortly.

"Yes, I can see that." Lily said, trying to keep the acid out of her voice, and the respect in. McGonagall gave her a _look_.

"We'll try to keep this reasonable. Miss Evans, I know you are embarrassed about needing a tutor. I don't blame you for slipping back a grade, you have a huge amount to concentrate on at the moment. You invest a lot of time and effort into your role as head girl, and what with regular nightly patrols you cannot read the extension material that would boost you into an O. You are, however, going to need to improve. Mr Potter has generously volunteered an hour a week to tutor you. He is amazing. I could wax eloquent for hours about his transfiguration skills. Anyway, you will study with him, or risk epic failure. That is all."

Lily felt like fate was forcing her and Potter together, and she couldn't understand why it would be so mean. Potter would be an insufferable git, as usual, and would get no work done and would tease her and be an idiot.

"What would you like to start on?" He asked politely.

"Erm..."

"I've drawn up a lesson plan, but we don't have to use it if you don't want. Would you like to see it? It's a review of all the topics, with focus on the advanced ones and any you find particularly difficult."

James had obviously thought this through very sensibly, and Lily was somewhat shocked. In fact, the whole thing shocked her and she wasn't quite sure what to do about it, so she went to her dormitory and put on a really pretty halter-neck top which was pink, with a really cute white mini skirt and some pumps. Then she put in earrings and a necklace and bracelet that accentuated her green eyes and perfected her tiny-but-perfect five foot three frame with-curves-in-all-the-right-places, and damn was it boring.

Lily then wrote a letter to Jet, which possessed at least a modicum of interest. She wrote of her woes about doing badly in transfiguration, how she was saddened by the persecution of muggleborns like her, and answered his questions about her hair and eye colour. This task did cheer her up - writing to Jet never felt like a school assignment. He was her confidante, her bosom friend, her rock to which she could cling. She sent the letter, and five minutes later James Potter opened it.

"Sirius?" James asked, as he sat on his bed with a plethora of letters from Emerald spread around him.

"James?"

"You know Emerald?"

"No."

"My pen pal?"

"I don't know her."

"Fine. Well, she says she has red hair and green eyes. Which girls in Hogwarts have red hair and green eyes?"

"No one much. Apart from Evinda Morleys, Brieannette Walters, Fainche Bogg, Verian Merill, Mairead Hemlock, Clarity Gartridge, Tegan Whitby, Clodagh Rantstis, Ava Mariandi, Giovanna Sirillo, Maeve Longford, Siobhan Macleod, Niamh O'Coyley... I think that's it. Oh yeah, and the head girl, Lily Evans."

"Is it entirely possible that Lily might be my pen pal? I think she is." There was a stunned silence, and then Sirius, Remus and Peter all roared with laughter. It was so virile and manly.

"Woah, James mate, I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself there."

"I told you he would think this." Remus told them knowingly.

"Yeah, well," James replied defensively, "she has all the characteristics."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You don't seriously think that in a school of nearly a thousand pupils, you happen to have got Lily Evans as your pen pal?"

"Yeah! It's only a seventh year project, and my partner has to be female. It's not _that_ unlikely."

"Doesn't mean it's Evans."

"Well, who do you know who is a seventh year female Gryffindor with red hair and green eyes, who is somewhat estranged from her sister and a muggleborn? And currently failing Transfiguration? And has someone "

"Quite a few people actually."

"But none of them were dumped by their boyfriends at the same time as Amos Diggory dumped Lily!"

"Some of them were."

"Who?"

"Well... Only Clarity Gartridge actually."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. By pure coincidence she also fulfils all of the criteria previously listed."

"How come I've never noticed her in the Gryffindor common room?"

"She's a previously unnoticed background character."

"Right. So, what distinguishes her from Lily? I need a cunning test, a sly question to ask her which will show me that Emerald is Lily."

"Unless she's Clarity." Sirius reminded him.

"Why don't," Remus asked, "you ask if she's ever called James Potter an arrogant toe-rag."

"Because it's not sly and cunning?"

"It's easy." Sirius said with disdain. "Say that you, as a man, feel threatened by the looming reputation of James Potter, and ask if it is true that every girl fancies him. Only Evans would say no."

"And get his heart broken?" Remus asked sharply. "Highly amusing until he decides to drink away his sorrows, and we have to clear up the vomit. Besides, the girl may be very tactful, and lie to make him feel happy."

"Which would make me very unhappy."

"Precisely."

"Fine then. Ask if she's ever considered James Potter a worse alternative to the giant squid. Everyone knows girls hate giant squids." Sirius said, affecting a moody and bored demeanour, as he was wont to do.

"Brilliant! I'll do so right away!"

Lily was, by good fortune, staring into space and doing very little when the letter arrived. Hence, when the letter arrived with an odd question about the giant squid, she answered it immediately.

_My Dear Jet,_

_Thanks for writing back pronto! Since the two of us are so close and everything, even only through the medium of paper and ink, I don't mind telling you all this. The giant squid is little more than a large and interesting cephalopod to me. Admittedly it adds yet another quirky element of style to our fantastic school. James Potter I cannot stand. The girls of this school dote upon him (did you know he has a fan club? He's enough of a 'star' to be invited onto a celebrity Big Brother) and yet I do not. You know, I swear he set the past few years of his life aside specially to irritate me. He waltzes around this school, posing and preening and poking fun at people. He is an arrogant toe-rag, and a big bully. So yes, I place him somewhat lower in my estimation than the squid. Recently, he's been better._

_Yours,_

_Emerald._

The Marauders stood around James as he read the letter aloud.

"I think it might actually be her." Remus said musingly. "Well, here's your chance to either make it or break it. Convince her to love you, or make her despise you."

James slumped on the floor, drained and unsure whether to be dismayed or elated. He would, by pure and utter coincidence, be paired with the devastating Lily Evans, wouldn't he?


End file.
